Movie Lies & Quotes

Written
by
Stanley B. Gill

What a wonderful world Hollywood is when memorable lines last a lifetime. This is a collection of movie lies & quotes I have actually heard in my career. Some famous. Some not so famous.

Oh, and a spattering of some of my favorite quotes that would just as likely apply to Hollywood.

“Nobody knows anything.”
– William Goldman, Adventures in the Screen Trade

“If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.”
– Mark Twain

This is the MARTINI.

This is the ABBEY SINGER.

We’ll be working with A–list talent.

We’ll have an early rap because…

We’ll never see that.

“I’ve wasted the greater part of my life looking for money and trying to get along, trying to make my work from this terribly expensive paint box. I’ve spent too much energy on things that have nothing to do with making a movie. It’s about two percent movie making and 98 per cent hustling. It’s no way to spend a life.”
– Orson Welles, quoted at the end of The Battle over Citizen Kane

“That’s the best part of Los Angeles. It’s filled with these Don Quixote characters. Everyone’s left their families, their homes, their friends, their jobs, to pursue a dream, where they know the percentage of them achieving that dream is never. And they do it anyway. And everyone’s shared the same dream, and no one’s sure if it was a premonition, or, a delusion. And there’s only one way to find out.”
– Ryan Gosling “Seduced and Abandoned” HBO documentary

Of course I can ride (swim, drive…)

It’s got kids in it. The hours will be short.

You can only use one or the other.

“You know how you can tell you have a friend in Hollywood? They stab you in the chest. Because everybody else is going to stab you in the back baby.”
– Stanley B. Gill

“Learning to make films is very easy. Learning what to make films about is very hard.
– George Lucas

“Actors are a necessary evil in filmmaking.”
– [Redacted]

We’ll be ready in 5 min.

She (he) will be finished in 5 min.

She (he) is coming out of the dressing room now.

I can do my own makeup and hair.

I’m more critical than you are and I think I look great.

Work with this. You’re killing us.

There are no lines in this one, so they won’t talk.

“It’s easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.”
– Mark Twain

We’ll be starting soon. We should have the money any day now.

We have half the money already. We just need the other half.

There’s no way we can lose money on this.

The checks are in the mail.

We’ll correct it on your next check.

You have my word on it.

There will be a little something extra in your envelope next week.

“What part of ‘no’ don’t you understand? Is it the ‘n’ part, or the ‘o’ part?”
– [Redacted]

We have a really great script and crew.

They never discussed this in the meeting.

I didn’t get the changes.

I never saw a script.

We have just a few notes for you.

They must have never gotten my notes.

They only told me last night.

No one told me.

My agent never said anything about this.

“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”
– Douglas Noel Adams, author “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”

“Being a screenwriter is like being a mother. You give birth, and you get to raise the child through age three – through the most wretched, vomitous, diaperish, nasty years of the child’s life, where you clean him and teach him how to walk and help him to talk, and all of a sudden you have this child who’s just about to communicate with you…and you’re just about to see him really become a person, and then the adoption agency comes in and takes this kid away from you and someone else raises it.”
– Jane Anderson “What It’s Like to Be a Screenwriter”

Rain won’t hurt us. You won’t even see it unless it’s really hard.

The PA had to leave before the checks were ready.

“It’s not a real movie unless blood is shed in furtherance of the art.”
– [Redacted]

The car won’t move in the shot.

The door won’t open in the shot.

We won’t ever look that way.

Do this one for me and I’ll remember you on the next one.

I couldn’t call you on this one… The producer (director) wanted someone else.

“They” told me to do it.

“I wanted sandwiches! So they could eat with one hand!”
– Orson Welles screamed as the light dissipated behind him

If they’re looking at that we’re in trouble.

I know it won’t match, but since we’re here let’s shoot it anyway.

In the time we’ve wasted talking about it, we could have shot it again.

Don’t worry about it, they’ll fix it in post.

Don’t worry about it, we checked with the union and it’s okay.

“Sometimes you can lead a jackass to water, but they still think they’re a horse.”
– [Redacted]

We’ll make sure that the crew doesn’t eat, drink or smoke inside the location.

We won’t let anyone drive to the set. Everyone will park in the crew parking.

Don’t ask me. I wasn’t here that day.

It works for me.

“New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin.”
– Mark Twain

It’s good enough for television. It’ll look great on my iPad.

Don’t worry. We’ll clear the set for that scene.

“Not my circus. Not my monkeys.”
– Polish Proverb

“My circus. My monkeys.”
– [Redacted]

What is this, film school?

This isn’t my first rodeo.

“If you fail to plan for business, business will plan for you.”
– Stanley B. Gill

We’re shooting on the RED.

I should’ve never turned down that Jessica Simpson video.

I’ve done lots of these kinds of shows.

“An oral agreement isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.“
– Samuel Goldwyn

“Picture is 50% of filmmaking and Sound is 50% of filmmaking.”
– Stanley B. Gill

“Everything in New Orleans is a good idea.”
– Bob Dylan, Chronicles: Volume One

We’ll wrap before sunrise.

We’ll wrap before sunset.

It’s my understanding films don’t get made overnight.

The critics are raving.

“There are two kinds of actors. Those you can f*ck and those who can f*ck you. The other ones are pretty professional.”
– [Redacted]

“All the doors in Hollywood are hard to open, but the easiest of the hard doors to open is writing.” – [unknown]

Everybody gets f*cked in Hollywood. It’s just a matter of whether you want it or not.
– [redacted]

“My contract reads, ‘I refuse to work with directors who don’t bathe on a daily basis.’”
– Stanley B. Gill

“The marketability of a movie has somehow or another become more important than the story.”
– Jeffery Katzenberg “Seduced and Abandoned” HBO documentary

“The real problem in this business if you make a great film, you really get down to it, you make a great film that no one goes to see, versus a bad film that everyone has gone to see, the way you keep your job is you make that bad film that everyone went to see. You don’t get good points for the film no one went to see.”
– Ron Meyer “Seduced and Abandoned” HBO documentary

“I’ve heard filmmaking described I think best as you’re laying track in front of a moving train. The train is not going to stop. And so the decisions that you make in that real-time are going to be the sum total of everything you’ve learned along the way and your instinct.”
– James Cameron, MasterClass

“The key is this. The technology does not dictate the art. The art dictates the technology. The art comes first. And you use the technology for the art. Whatever that art may be.”
– Martin Scorsese, MasterClasss

“There are a lot of places I like, but I like New Orleans better.”
– Bob Dylan, Chronicles: Volume One

A few more Writings & Rantings...

Find something you might like

Movie Lies & Quotes